


The Ol' Devils Are At It Again

by ObliqueOptimism



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [12]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Experimental Style, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, No Dialogue, Not Beta Read, Paranoia, Thoughts on Time, Very Stream-of-Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25561330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObliqueOptimism/pseuds/ObliqueOptimism
Summary: Time is a fickle bitch.
Relationships: Dave/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603255
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	The Ol' Devils Are At It Again

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know, okay this idea hasn't left my head in days and i can't stop thinking about it like i was up at three am this morning thinking about this but not writing it until like, three in the afternoon
> 
> for bad things happen bingo: paranoia. while it doesn't hit the mark spot on, it's got a paranoia theme to it, i think
> 
> whatever

Time is like elastic. It stretches and pulls and snaps and breaks and then its tied back up and looping and Klaus hates it he hates he hates it he hates he hates time he always have and that was before his field trip to Dave, before his second field trip when Dave was there and alive but didn’t know him because 

Time

Is

Dumb

When he was little he hated time. How was it that his half hour of free time on Sundays only lasted two minutes? And an hour long history class lasted five? Time snapped and pulled and stretched like bubblegum that he wasn’t allowed. Sometimes he’d get a piece, snuck in by a nanny, by his mom, a small gift from Pogo for doing good on a test. Blowing bubbles and watched as it expanded and rounded and time did that. It would become bloated like the bubble, popping and covering his face, getting some stuck in his hair and needing to cut it out

Cut out time

Just get rid of it

He was young yet, when he wanted to cut time up into small bits like he would do to paper, just tear it to shreds like how he felt. No need to have time wrap around him and keep him there, in the graveyard. He wanted out out out out out and time wasn’t going to let him go, he was stuck there until daddy came back and let him out out out out out and time stretched and lasted for far longer than he was told it did and he didn’t like it at all and he wanted out he wanted to escape like Five could but he _couldn’t_ and time gripped him tight and

Then he was still young yet, but a little older and he thought it was bad before but he was wrong and he was stuck and time stretched for longer and he couldn’t see the passing of time anymore in the dark dark dark dark dark and it wasn’t until dad finally showed up that Klaus knew any time had passed because it was like molasses and it stretched and moved slow, much slower than sweet and wonderful honey, it was sticky like molasses and he was stuck in it, a fly in a spider’s web and Five had been talking about time travel and wanting to try it and so did Klaus, get this time _done_ he wants it _gone_ and Five is talking about theories and they are young yet and Five won’t make time his bitch for a few more years yet but

He doesn’t always like when time moves faster than it should, sometimes it rushes and runs ahead of him and he can’t catch up and he’s worried about when that happens and what he loses and then he slips back and he’s young again and time stands still and he hates it he hates it he hates it he hates it he hates it and time is a bitch and Klaus doesn’t understand it and it gets worse soon because he falls into the loving arms of drugs

First though, in the timeline, was alcohol. That didn’t mess with time the same way drugs did. When drunk, time passed about as it always had for Klaus. Stretching out one moment and snapping the next. With the exception when he drank enough that suddenly it was morning and all he remembered was bits and pieces of a puzzle he couldn’t put together. At first it was scary, missing so much time like that. He’d always known when time happened. Slow or fast, he knew. But now it was lost and it was scary. 

It didn’t stop him from drinking though.

But the drugs.

Time was a whole new thing when he took drugs.

A new monster than the ghosts, a better one, it was worth it. It was worth how time felt like it stopped or how he felt like he stopped when time raged on and how he’d stare at the grandfather clock and jump when the hour came up and it let the house know by loudly announcing it. He’d stare at the second hand and watch as it took _hours_ for it to move and he stole Vanya’s stopwatch and he’d time the second hand to make sure time was working like it should and then 

Five got lost in time. Swallowing him whole like that bedtime story of Jonah and Whale.

He got older yet and kept the stopwatch hidden but with it he owned time, it was his to keep track of and make sure it was working right. He was glad it was Diego who had found him, once when he was so high that time was slipping through his fingers and it wasn’t working right and he was hidden under the coffee table, keeping an eye on the grandfather clock and his stopwatch was in his hand and he knew he couldn’t trust the grandfather clock but that was why he had his stopwatch the stolen one and Diego had found him and he didn’t turn him in for stealing the stopwatch and he just sat next to him and helped. Diego had asked and Klaus tried to explain time to Diego, how he saw it, but Diego didn’t get it. He did however talk to Klaus, and help provide a distraction from the grandfather clock that _must not be trusted_ and somehow 

Before Diego had found him, time had been the slowest it had been yet and after Diego found him, it sped up, acting like it should.

Probably because he wasn’t alone anymore and time knew it couldn’t warp around the two of them, couldn’t control both Klaus and Diego, so it had let go of Klaus.

And next he wasn’t living at the Academy anymore and Reggie was no longer dictating what he did with his time because it was _his_ now and he had the stopwatch and with Five gone the owner of time had been up for grabs and he took it and

It didn’t always listen to him.

He’d blink it would be a week later, he’s coming off a bender and Ben is beside him thanking a god who doesn’t listen to any ghosts that Klaus was awake and alive and then Ben would yell at him for _hours_ about his choices. He’s counted. He counted in fours because he was Four and he liked the number four while he also hated it because it was him, he was number four and he liked himself almost as much as he hated himself.

He lost more time.

Then he got lost in time.

Dave had to help him, when he got too close to a bomb and he was fine but he wasn’t fine because his stopwatch broke from the blast and he couldn’t count time anymore and it was lost like he was and it would be out of his hands again and it would control him and he didn’t want it to control him anymore, he’d been in control with the stolen stopwatch he was in control he was in control he was in control he was in control he was in control

Then

Time 

Broke

Because his stopwatch broke and time had no meaning again and Klaus couldn’t breath, he couldn’t stand it, and Dave was there and he was counting, the good numbers, in four, out seven, in four, out seven, in four, out seven, in four, seven, in four, out seven and then Dave taught him he didn’t need a stopwatch he could count, he knew how, he wasn’t dumb, he wasn’t, promise. No matter what they said, he _wasn’t_ dumb. He’d gotten good marks growing up in the classes were it was more than training his powers; he’d survived years while homeless and high; he’d gotten out of many scraps from people thinking he was dumb but he _wasn’t_ dumb, he was smart. 

So Dave taught him how to count and to mark time with tapping his thumb. On his leg, on his cheek, against his other fingers. Tap tap tap tap tap. He didn’t need to rely on a stopwatch to make time his, _not anymore._ And Dave, beautiful Dave, he’d see when Klaus had to keep track of time and make sure it was working like it should and he would help. He’d ask what number Klaus was at and he’d join in, a chorus of the two of them, making time listen to them.

But Dave was dead now.

The world was going to end and Klaus thought that it would bring the end of time with it and he was okay with that. 

He didn’t need time and the world would be better off without it. He’d heard that time was a man made construct and he could see that. Only man could create something so horrible as time. The idea of Five’s Commission, and organization that kept time in place was both horrifying and appealing to him. They properly owned time. And they wanted it to end.

But then Five, who had first made time his bitch, decided they had to pack up their bags and leave. But there was no time to actually pack, which was hilarious to Klaus. Time traveling but still no time?

Ridiculous.

And now Klaus was sober again.

Well.

He didn’t do drugs anymore. He still drank. Back to the blackouts and the way time would stretch like taffy without drugs, his thumb tapping now on bottles. Tap tap tap tap tap. 

He was back in time once more. Earlier than before.

And Dave didn’t know him but he knew Dave. A future Dave.

Tap tap tap tap tap.

His family was lost, other than Ben.

Tap tap tap tap tap.

And Time

Nor God

Cared.

Time stretched on.

**Author's Note:**

> obliqueoptimism @ tumblr


End file.
